Mary Sue's Big Day
by crazy turtle
Summary: Meet Mary Sue. She falls in love, defeats a dark lord, and even manages to keep her hair in place. Includes Gryffindor!Draco Hott!Hermione, Buff!Harry, Saintly!Snape and much more. This is my first story, read and review please!


A/N: **Please read this. **This is one of my **first fanfictions** and I thought it would be best to write a **really short** **one shot** before going into a deeper and longer Lily and James fanfiction that I plan to write. Please review, because **any comments will help improve my writing style**. I know this has been done before, but I just wanted a light piece of work to start fanfiction with. I know this is short, but I want to know how it is before I go on writing a longer parody.

Mary Sue's Big Day

One morning a young girl named Millenia Amethyst Rhonda Yolanda Selena Ursula Eleminettine woke up; she was called Mary Sue because 1) that was what her initials spelled out 2) nobody could pronounce or even remember her name and 3) if somebody could say her name, they'd get extremely out of breath trying to say it a lot. It was a dull, gray, rainy, bleak insert negative adjective here Monday morning; which coincidentally (cough) happened to be the first day of school at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. However, this didn't stop her from jumping out of bed at nine in the morning and deciding to go to a random school somewhere around Britain that just happened to be Hogwarts-where Harry Potter, the Boy-Whose-Name-Must-Be-Hyphenated, was currently attending school. She got ready in 5 minutes, although most girls would spend hours trying to look like she did.

She 'magically' found Platform 9 & 3/4 and boarded a compartment with five other people. The first had deep emerald green eyes, wind swept jet black hair, a tan, and huge muscles (the Dursley's had disappeared, Sirius was back-and he had raised Harry and taken him to the gym because his name was now cleared). He was the ideal hero of a fairy tale and had many fan clubs because he had become 'sexxy' over the summer. There was also one boy with shaggy red hair, azure eyes, perfectly adorable freckles, and the wonderful personality of a comedian. Although he had 'the emotional range of a teaspoon' he had become a very sensitive, caring guy. The last boy had glossy platinum blonde hair, piercing gray eyes, and had the entire mysterious bad boy thing working for him. He was tragically misunderstood and had now gone to the good side, and transferred to Gryffindor. He was now friends with the first boy and was thrown into the plot because the author needed another male character for Mary Sue to fall in love (lust?) with. Their names were Harry, Ron, and Draco.

The first girl introduced herself as Hermione. She was 'well developed' now and had shiny chestnut hair, cinnamon eyes, and a tan. She had blonde streaks in her hair, dangly earrings, heavily applied makeup, and was a ditzy genius. She made no sense, and when the author was feeling like it, she made fun of the only female character who had half a brain in her story. The second girl was Ginny, with auburn hair with blue streaks that matched her cornflower eyes. She was a rebel, especially after the Chamber of Secrets incident and her entire timidity problem, and also had a 'hott' body. Notice that both 'sexxy' and 'hott' are  
American slang terms with extra, unnecessary consonants. They all talked like American teenagers for a while before turning off their cell phones and getting off the train and entering the Great Hall.

All of the students-and some teachers-were amazed by this new girl. Mary Sue had auburn/mahogany/raven/silver/wheat/golden blonde hair that was extremely shiny/elegantly wavy/tightly curled/unnaturally straight/gravity defying. She had sapphire/violet/lime/fiery/deep/swirling/chocolate brown/midnight eyes that changed colors sometimes. She had no idea why. She managed to be classified as a prep, punk, nerd (although since the Mary Sue-writing author thinks nerds are lame, she just calls Mary Sue a prodigy although I doubt she knows what that word means), rebel, artsy person even though Hogwarts has never had stereotypes. She confidently walked up to the sorting hat and placed it on her head. It was very confused by this 'special' girl. She was loyal, ambitious, smart, and brave. The hat placed her in Gryffindor because it's obvious and so she could gossip with Hermione and Ginny (who was in all sixth year classes and slept in the same dormitory as Hermione. although she was a year younger than everybody else) about the 'hott and sexxy' guys. She was also the new seeker for the Ravenclaw team (she needed Harry as some competition and the Ravenclaw's needed a seeker so, the author figured, why not?) and was the most perfect student Hogwarts had ever seen. Even Professor Snape had no snide remarks directed to her; perhaps that was because he had changed from an evil insert derogatory term here to practically a saint because he was 'blessed' wit h Mary Sue's unremarkable beauty. She had all of the good traits of every person in the school and didn't have a single adversary. It proved the old saying wrong, somebody was indeed perfect.

The next morning she woke up and decided to help mankind, because she was charitable and kind. She was as warm as an ice cube in a toaster (note bad analogy). She found a green flame torch and decided to put it in her pocket. After all, there was nothing better than pockets. Mary Sue found Harry and together they defeated Voldemort with the green flame torch, although it isn't explained how something Mary Sue just happened to pick up could defeat the greatest evil wizard of all time other than perhaps Grindewald.

She got back to the school and started loudly chewing gum, playing Simple Plan music on her iPod (although muggle things don't work in Hogwarts and iPods and Simple Plan weren't around during the 1990's), and talking in American slang-she excessively used the words 'like' and 'totally.' She sang songs from American Idol (the problem wit this is the time period and the key word AMERICAN) and 'wowed' all of her peers with the voice of a...nice sounding bird. She won the heart of every boy in the school and she radiated confidence and perfection (try to count how many times perfect is used in this). One day, she was on her way to Potions with her friends Mary Lu and Gary Stu. The scary thing was that they beared an uncanny resemblance to her. Odd indeed. Anyway, Draco (yes he was on first name terms with everybody) confronted her in the halls with an urgent look on his face. "Mary Sue," he said, "Harry's dying."

Mary Sue used her wandless magic to transport them to the Hospital Wing. There she saw Harry, pale and coughing. He froze and it was only moments before his brain would shut down entirely and he'd be gone from the wizarding world forever. Within a second, Mary Sue muttered a few complicated incantations, toughed Harry's forehead, and brought him back to life. Harry Potter was alive, and immortal. The problem was, Mary Sue sacrificed her life and immortality to save Harry. She sat in bed and waited for the end as she faded away. She only had one more ting to say. "Draco," she managed to choke out between spasms, "I love you." And when Draco realized, at that moment, he felt the same way, he swept down and kissed her. Their love brought Mary Sue back to life-somehow and they all lived happily ever after in that one day once Ron hooked up with Mary Lu and Hermione with Gary Stu. Harry and Ginny hooked up and saved the world from everything not-so-good (people wonder why author keeps saying 'hooked up') and everybody was happy. Mary Sue closed her eyes as she went to sleep that day. Her last thoughts of the first day were "all in a day's work for me, Mary Sue."

A/N: So...**how was it**? I hope it was good because it took me a while. **Please review but keep in mind it was my first story**. Flames must tell me specifically what you didn't like and they may be mocked if it is something like 'your mary sue sux and you suck and u should stop writing u loser and u dont deseve 2 rite." **A nice review will make my day! ** By the way, I deleted my last one-shot (Hot Chocolate) after reading it because I realized it really was terrible and I had to hold back the urge to flame myself for it. sigh I hope this was better...**crazy turtle**


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